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Epic news post (warning: epic)

Posted by MistyEntertainment - 1 month ago


Hey everyone! In my last news post, I mentioned that I went through my final round of heavy chemo. It's too early right now to see how things are gonna be, but I made a video about my plans.
 


I tried something new with the lighting and added some blue light in the backdrop - I think it looks pretty snazzy! Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bit of an identity crisis with my content. Before cancer hit, I made videos that were commentaries on YouTube content, with an emphasis on humor. I feel like I've kinda had to force my more serious videos, especially the cancer-related ones. At the same time, it was interesting to branch out into a different type of content and I feel like it was important to document that since it was such a big thing in my life.

I've thought about becoming one of those channels where I make more videos about it, and maybe they'll have informative merit or something, but I'm just looking forward to making content that's fun again. Maybe not strictly YouTube commentaries though, because there's a lot less interesting things to comment on than there were in 2016, and I'm not that jazzed about things as I was when I was 16. Not that two years is THAT big of a difference, but eh.
 

But I did wanna make a more analytical video, so here's my longest video in a while:


So yeah, still gotta find out what content I wanna make. At some point, I might wanna try integrating art/animation again, put some of that Newgrounds experience to use, y'know? I'd love to do skit comedy with acting but it's tough when I don't have my balance back yet. I'll see what I can do about that though. I could make something work, it'd still be sick.

As for positive personal improvements - I feel a lot less lonely and isolated these days. More friends? New friends? No. There was a time during my chemo treatment spanning several months, I wanna say last November to the start of this year, that I kinda started to get bitter that it seemed like none of my peers were really interested in talking to me. And in that state of isolation, it's pretty easy to get worked up to that point. I'd try texting a lot of people and it was always a dead end. Eventually, I realized that it was likely because I never built a friendship in the first place when I knew them. I didn't even say hello or goodbye. I didn't ask about them or show interest in them. In some cases it was because I really was too apathetic or judgmental, or I was being a bit of a self-conscious weenie and never really opened up. Either way, realizing there was personal responsibility I had to accept was liberating.

The second thing I wanted to say about that is that I often had a fear of missing out, so it would bum me out when I would think about how I wasn't really part of that group of friends. As time passed, I realized they're not really good company, and I wouldn't want to be in that group anyway. What bothered me was the idea that I couldn't be one of them - the idea that I had no choice - but the reality is, even if I had the choice, I wouldn't want it. I just wanted to prove something. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I learned to take responsibility, and recognize the difference between actually wanting something vs. wanting to prove something.

I do feel like my mental state has improved lately though. I'm more religious now and so I've been trying to be a better, less judgmental person. I've gotten better at managing things like frustration and anger but there's still a lot of work to be done. I've learned when to turn the other cheek at least. Just gotta call it a wash sometimes.
 


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Comments (9)

You were right! This was epic! You have grown so much, over this last year or so. You should be very proud of how far you have come. I wish I were half as reflective and optimistic as you are! Hopefully you just keep on getting good news!

I hope so! It's been a year of continuous growth, circumstances were rough but at least I was able to come out of it and say I was a better person.

This post was really something, in a good way.
I'm really glad that you're improving and trying to get back to having a normal, healthy life.
I hope you keep improving as both health-wise and as a person, I wish you the best.

Thank you!

I can't get these videos to load on my laptop (HughesNET "fair" access policy), so gonna try phone data in a bit -- but just wanted to say I'm really proud of you.

Most people would have lost hope and become nihilists, possibly even angry atheists (of the Hitchens persuasion), after all that you've been through. It takes some people their entire lives to accept that often, we contribute to our own suffering, whether it's depression, loneliness, laziness, w/e. I suffer especially with that last one, and don't think for a second I wouldn't envy your productivity if it was the Christian thing to do, lol.

But basically, no matter what life throws our way, it's only as bad as we allow ourselves to think it is. I'm happy to see that through the worst thing most of us imagine can even happen to us or someone we know, you've come out stronger, more positive, and seemingly happier than I've seen you like, since we met. Can't wait to see what you come up with, man. :)

Ah yeah. It's a very testing experience for sure. It can tug on faith, so it's definitely a challenge. I actually wish I was more productive! I read somewhere that creative work can't be measured the same way as other work in terms of time measurement though, so if that's true then I don't have to sweat it so much. I struggle working for more than 4 hours in a day which is kind of annoying, even if I wanna work more I get massive headaches or something that force me to take a break.

I am looking forward to getting back to writing songs though!

Mental state is only thing that makes us feel allive. I glad to see that you feel better now.

Very true. Mental state is very very important.

It's good to hear that your mental state has improved. *That* group of friends is something most people have. It's good that you realized you wouldn't like it anyway. Also, it does seem like it would be liberating to understand your own role in your loneliness, because that means that there is a chance if you try harder, and it's not that everybody hates you or anything. Good luck with that, man, and keep working on improving your friendships and stuff, also I hope you get back to fun content like you want to.
Also, epicness confirmed.

Thanks man. It's been a long road.

Hey you've still got your online interactions! ;) Of course not the same thing but: we're here peer. Also cheers on the hair there. :D The lighting does look pretty snazzy.

Good to hear things are going good, or sounding good, plans and all, and though I am totally out of the loop when it comes to that YT community the Bobby Burns video was a good watch too. Like learning about life through the criticism of a particular celebrity (and learning about those celebrities, you never know, always good to know things - it's never to broad a knowing).

Hope things keep going your way! As for not being able to do much about the possibility this ever comes back: leading a healthy life should at least have some impact right? If you didn't before. I don't know about your food habits or sleeping habits (mine seem to be worse there - only midnight?! Woah) but it all makes a difference, I believe, in how the body responds to each new threat. And a positive outlook: works wonders too! :) And not too much wireless with potential radiation.

Anyway do hope this is it! Epic indeed, and a classy musical finale.

Thanks man! And it's good to have you back. How was your vacation?

I do find the lives / content that surrounds popular Internet personalities to be interesting! The challenge, for me, is being able to create content relating to that field that doesn't breach into the territories of drama / gossip. It's something I generally try to avoid.

It's never too broad a'knowing - that's something I've been working on myself. I feel like I've spent most of my life not caring about knowledge that I didn't feel would directly affect or benefit me. Only recently am I starting to appreciate the importance of just knowing things.

Food and sleeping habits are absolutely crucial. With the latter, it's hard to get enough sleep though, especially lately. It's tough!

Pretty good, thanks! First half accomplished; more on route too. :)

So far seems you're doing alright with that! It's a good way to get views too I guess? Tapping into other peoples fame a bit; building on that. Wonder if there's any intention there? Best case scenario it seems you might even get invited in to someone's show. :)

Well to be to be honest I do question if learning a little of everything is really as useful as focusing on the one - being a jack of all trades and master on none in some regard, but everything seems to give perspective. It adds up. Dubious as I am I also feel like that's the only way to really grow wise in life: to stay curious. keep delving into different minds and areas; gaining insights as well as more practical knowledge. And hey maybe it is possible to become a master of all trades in time. :) Or a few, at least.

Is that an effect of chemo too, or just a constant thing? When I'm on vacation I notice it's always so much easier - after a couple days without any computer/more physical work, it's like you don't even have to try any more. That subtle angst/unnecessary thought processes that keep me awake otherwise fade away. I think just winding down in good time might go a long way though. Usually stay by the computer right up till bed time over here, and blue light: not tiring. Probably other things playing in there too.

More on route eh? Sounds fun!

Tapping into other people's fame is the way to grow on YouTube. It's a genius growth strategy really - there's no need to create a new market if there's already a demand for the content. One of the things I've always loved about Newgrounds is that it was able to provide a platform for genuinely original content. Because we're not being bombarded with an endless barrage of videos here, as an audience we're able to curate and vote on the best content, which we then bring attention to. Unfortunately the exact opposite is true of YouTube, so my only hope at anything truly original gaining traction there is to build a following by piggybacking off others.

I don't really have an issue with that though. Sometimes it's more fun doing something quick and topical!

There's definitely a merit to having a 'talent stack' in my opinion. Not quite the same thing as what you brought up, but for instance, there are many skilled animators, voice actors and comedians out there, but it's the people like Oney and RicePirate who can do all of the above that stick out the most.

I did read that the sleep issues are a chemo side effect! I wake up in the middle of the night 99% of the time. The good news is I'm able to go back to sleep, but that never happened pre-chemo. The 34 days in the hospital following my initial surgery were pretty hellish though - I was awoken every hour to get checked. I'm hoping there was no permanent damage.

Where'd you go for vacation? Do anything fun?

Yupp yupp, it'll be colder but still... pretty cool. :P

So it really is the intended strategy there! Well do hope it works. Only so many people can piggyback on others if others use the same strategy (which they definitely seem to do), so I don't think original content is a bad idea there either. But I agree it is easier to go with what is than to come up with a new niche entirely, and have to build-up a fanbase from the ground up, when that which already is already has those fans; just needs to shift the user base a bit. Really admire the people who go their own way entirely, don't take shortcuts, never set aside their artistic integrity... not to say I'm not enjoying your work too (and you do have plenty of original stuff)! Just saying those people are few and far between and: awesome. Though maybe that age is gone now, and you have to compromise to get in somewhere... if you don't stumble in by chance. Competition's pretty tough.

Yeah it's one of the things I love about this place too. At the same time though, today is Clock Day, for example, and there sure are a lot of people riding on that wave. :) Difference being here it just gets better the more people ride it. It's like the ultimate fame here is getting your whole own phenomenon; everyone can jump in on whatever detail it is with you that makes you iconic. A name, an image, something instantly recognizable: all water for that wave.

In a way, in this particular example, it's like a quick and topical exception too... always nice with variety that way. Agree. Also do realize not the best example but... yeah, close as I can get with regard to making NG seem to work in similar ways. XD

That is true! Though, you could say their one forte is artistry, and that they are really versatile with all aspects of that particular craft. Not sure how much they know of cooking, or thermodynamics, or quantum physics, or eighties pop bands, or algebra... you know? Nurturing different skillsets that have ties to one specific area is always great, but I find I delve into totally unrelated fields sometimes. Things that build perspective rather than useful skill... but then again, as a writer, maybe any form of knowledge does serve a purpose. We all need things to write/blog/vlog/talk about too.

Right in the middle of deep sleep huh. I've always imagined sleeping in an environment that's not easy to sleep in would make you an even more resilient sleeper in the long run: being able to fall asleep easier, and sleep with distractions, noises, etc... really making the most of sleep time when you get over the initial period of sleeplessness and angst. Because I've never really been in a situation like that, and have been pondering if that'd be what I'd require to get my sleeping habits in check. Hope it does have some kind of future benefit there; not just messing everything up... also man, just realized this comment is growing HUGE. O_O This wasn't part of the plan!

Well my family has a little old isolated farm-like place up North (in Sweden North = wilderness), where we've been pretty much every summer since I was born. They bought the place around the same time. We've lived in some other countries but always been there at least for a month or two during summer, so it's become a bit like a pilgrimage more than a vacation, a connecting point, where we gather together for a while during summer. Growing our own food, picking berries, farming a bit, swimming in the lake, biking around the woods; really living in tune with nature - and totally differently from how we (at least how I) spend the rest of the year. So... not sure it's everyone's perception of fun, but I love it. :) I try to be there as much as I can, which is at most two months each year right now, and though it's isolated it has pretty bad insulation so not a place you want to be at the rest of the year. Though I have tried: https://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/2bda5d363653792bf2bca976de3f5803

It's just that much-needed break from digital stress; what I often consider pretty dystopian modern life. Really wish we could somehow combine that kind of life with the benefits of the new age, but it seems it's either one or the other. I come back to computers: I'm hooked. Which is fun too but just... doesn't feel as good. Getting back is sorta depressing until you get back into the grind again.

But that is how it is with all vacations I guess! How about you? Any plans to go places now that you're getting better? Places you used to go?

Absolutely, lots of respect for people who have built themselves up from solely original content. That takes some serious skill, especially in a system where success is largely algorithmic, and not curated like here on NG.

That's an interesting theory about sleep resilience - I never really thought of it that way. Seems like an excellent quality to have though.

Hey that looks like a nice snug place you've got there! I'd imagine it's a good place to go to get away from the digital stress. I've heard a lot from people who went 'off the grid' about how good and refreshing it was. It seems like something I should try, though given my current condition I might not have much to do.

I was thinking of traveling to Tokyo. Why Tokyo? Mainly because it's just so different from what I'm used to in the US. I wanna create interesting experiences for myself, y'know what I mean? On a smaller scale, I'd love to head to southwest AZ to go birding. Look for some neat birds.

True too. You really have to build via fanbase, if you can't somehow exploit those content formulas.

Indeed. I have a cousin who can basically just lie down in a sofa, while the rest of us are nearby, playing a boardgame and talking, and fall asleep. It's a quality I highly envy!!! Highly useful for those times when you really need that sleep. I tend to wake up earlier than I need to wake up on top of not falling asleep when I need to fall asleep on those particular times when I really know I really need that sleep... and let's not even get into sleeping in foreign places...

It really is. :) Well even if you can't do much you could be outside, with fresh air and sunshine surrounding; rest up slowly. Maybe later on though!

Ah yeah, Tokyo's one of my dreams too. :D One of my buddy's going there this year; asked me to come along, but I don't think I want to take that trip just yet... it's like it's something I want to look forward to a little bit longer. Plus it's hella expensive. I've always been fascinated with Japanese culture though. Even took some university courses on the topic (which some would say was probably a big waste of time, but hey - broad knowing). Birding's cool too! Good luck with the trips whenever they're possible! They'd be fun to follow in vlog form too.