I always admired Edd for his dedication - some viewers may not know, but he worked on Hammer & Fail 2 when he had cancer.
He was a great guy with nothing negative to say about other people, and I'm sure going to miss him. You made a nice tribute and I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
Whoa, it's awesome to see another submission from you. You should definitely make a sequel to your Lego Land series with all the latest improvements! Onto my review:
What was that faded scene at the beginning with the talking before the frog wakes up? Anyway, when FrogMan wakes up and proclaims that he's had a horrible nightmare that he was offered a TV show from "some random homo," and realizes it's true, it's a bit cliche.
Kind of like in the Fairly OddParents when Timmy says he hopes something doesn't happen and somebody else says it happens in the exact same wording - it's forced, cliched humor.
The frog's anatomy needs some work; most notably the bump in his leg and his odd feet. During the rap, the voice seemed rather unenthusiastic. (possible reference material: the rap battle from Regular Show)
again, useless censoring since i'm pretty sure we all know what's being said and what's happening. Props to you for being the 1% who is aware of the television ratings and their subdivisions, though.
Hmm, the frogs that have an entire TV show devoted to them complain? that's a bit... unusual but i'm sure they have their motives.
is it just me or is it awkward when one person is talking? all i can focus is on is the other frogs staring into space.
having the characters interact in real life environments usually feels awkward. the dialogue is pretty funny and well written, so congrats
I can respect the fact you have the patience to do a ten-minute video. I'm trying to pull fifteen-minute episodes out of my ass and I get bored when I get to four. I'd also like to thank you for actually responding to my criticism in a mature fashion - that's really rare these days.
3.5/5
Well, thanks. I enjoy critisizim (as long as it's useful). Like many of my other recent submissions, this is a bit dated (not by much though, around septemeber of 2010 to be exact). The beginning scene is a flash back to the first episode where I offer FrogMan the show and he accepts, if you haven't seen it yet, I would recommend it, it's not that strong of a first episode, but it's still a pretty good 7 minute short.
A lot of the cliche-ness is because of at the time I still hadn't mastered writing, so some times things might seem like that, but other times (if you like that kind of thing) it helps the scene and improves humor, very rarely though.
Yeah, a lot of the drawing is a little poor since I don't have a tablet, I'm a much better artist than this, and I'm still trying to define my style in flash. In these earlier episodes, we were still a little inexperienced with voice acting, but I assure you, we have gotten a lot better, and more confidant.
Well, in this case the censoring isn't entirely useless. This time around it's about making money! Well sort of, when we actually get around to selling DVD's, they will contain the uncensored versions (with original unedited footage) so it's to give people something worth buying, and cause again I'm trying to keep it somewhat family friendly, although in some episodes w go over board...
Yeah, the television ratings was something I had thought of early in production, just something to make it feel like it was on tv (guess that's another reason for the censoring, lol) but yeah, when making those ratings, I actually put a lot of research into what falls under what rating and what sub category.
Well, the only one that truly complains is Wise Frog, but he's just whiny like that, so yeah.
Yeah, at times I wish I could go back and add more things happening in the background (like in the breakfast scene, people eating, and Toady drawing) But because of lack of time (and laziness) things were cut. In more recent episodes there's more interaction (still no character blinking though...). Yeah, their blank staring can get a little distracting, sometimes I comment on it when we do commentary on the episodes.
By real life environments, I'm supposing you mean when the animated me was in a live action area? If done right, animated characters in a live action environment can look really cool, obviously not in this case though, it's just a cinematographic form I've been interested in. I tend to do things like that sometimes. Thanks for the compliment on the dialogue. That's something I'm good at is writing dialogue, plus I know how the characters are, so I can work really well with it and almost come out with borderline genius things (not this obviously, future episodes, oh yeah.)
Yeah, whenever I make an episode I hope for the length to be around 11 minutes (again, referring back to making it feel like it's on tv) but I haven't hit that mark yet, close, but no. Really I have no clue how long an episode is going to be, I just write 'till I'm satisfied and then animate. Usually when I write a script, it seems like half a page turns out to two minutes (so a four page script usually is an average episode). I've had scripts that turn out like 15 pages long, can't wait for those eh?
Hey, if you can't take criticism , should you really be making things? Without people to criticize, some things would never get better, and would always be crap. I always look forward to what people have to say (as long as it's something recent and I can actually improve...).
Well, thanks for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Oh, and if you want to follow the series, I'll send you a pm with all the details about it. Currently there's four episodes, with about 100 or so on the way, not exactly sure how many. Most of them haven't been fully written, but again, I'll send you a pm with the details.
Again, thank you.
What was the point of the censorship? I'm sure everyone knows he said "fuck" so censoring that is completely pointless. Especially when it's "oh sh--[beep]it!"
I can see that unlike other fight scenes, there's actual cinematography and smooth movements, so that's a huge improvement.
Nothing else to say.
I'm not sure why I had censored it initially, I guess I had thought that I might as well try to keep it somewhat family friendly, but yeah... so much for that.
Yeah, a lot can improve in a year (and I've improved even more since then, although I haven't made a lot since). The fights were fun filming, and I spent a lot of time picking out the perfect background music as well. Everything that was in this was all done when this was originally made (except for the menu, obviously). Well, I'm glad you liked it. Not sure whether I will continue this series or not. I do have a "Chapter 2" written, but I never got around to making it. If I can ever get the time, I might actually go back and continue this series, and I will be sure to let you know of it's revival. Thank you for your feedback.
I see this is around the time you finally got a decent camera! While the voice acting isn't the best, it certainly enhances the experiences, as well as the music.
Not much to say about this one.
Yep, I finally got a new camera around this time, I believe it was in november of 2009. The voices weren't to good because at the time, the only mic I had was the mic on the camera (it could record audio files separately) so that's what I used. Well, I'm glad you liked this one, and I can't wait to see your review of the next one.
Just a suggestion, but generic news music during the news segment would probably be a nice touch. It probably wouldn't make a very big difference at all, but most good cartoons are good because of the tiny details and finishing touches they have.
When she says, "Why are you so close to me?" that would've worked if there was an awkward silence and then she asked it rather than interrupting/asking right after he says something.
So basically, the crew asks random people to be part of their party? wouldn't they look for good fighters instead of randomly asking the first person they see?
while this was much better than episode 6, it still abruptly ended and had the same writing problems. so 3/5 for now
Yeah, never thought about putting music for the new section, I will be putting some music in part 9 though.
It was actually Will that said that, I know, it's kinda hard to tell since it's text. There was that pause there between the dialogue when she walked away, but I guess it could have been more apparent.
Although most of the people they recruited were random people off the streets, some of them they did know (more back story things that no one is going to know, my fault). Maybe everyone in their neighborhood is trusting, and they know they're good fighters, or they're just really desperate...
Yeah, the writing problems will still be present in the next episode, but 10 is actually scripted, so hopefully there's no problems with that one. Again, they will be up tomorrow.
Thank you, and I look forward to you review of the next two episodes.
I see you have followed my suggestion to use a more memorable logo.
This was pretty decent and i have no complaints. while it wasn't great, there wasn't anything that stood out as bad.
so i will now respond to your response to my review!
_____________________
>the whole transition thing was supposed to be a majoras mask kinda tribute, not sure if it turned out like that or not...
nope, just abruptly cut transition music.
>I guess I was trying to set up a reoccurring gag, that no one seems to care about Rick's death
understood. though in this series, with the history of poor writing and huge inconsistencies for the first few episodes, its hard to tell if it's just poor writing or a comedic gag.
>I guess a record scratch could have worked there, but there were to many problems with this one as it was, no sense in going and finding sounds for it
so what you're saying is that if it's already crap you'd might as well let it stay as crap instead of fixing it?
>The scene that followed, I don't really know what it was for, just to change the mood I guess, and again reference to Wills attitude, and feelings for Jenny
backstory is usually revealed in a more subtle way and since you considered it "inappropriate" at the time, wasn't there an alternative? i'm going to assume people who look up videos of Legos are probably fairly young
Well, I'm glad this episode seemed alright to you. Not sure what you're going to think of the next one..
I guess you can't really trust anything that's supposed to be a plot device or a gag, since nothing was written down.
Going back to the topic of fixing things, I actually tried to fix a problem with part 8 but yeah, that didn't turn out to well. Sometimes fixing the problem causes more problems, so it's not really worth it in the long run. I will be fixing the problems with part 9, so I don't get any hate for there not being background music in it.
Again, I guess sometimes I'm just to lazy to do stuff.
Not sure what you're going to think of episode 8 (especially with its problems) but again I promise 9 and 10 will be better. These two are the last of the crap episodes.
Thank you for the feedback, and I can't wait to see what you think of 9 and 10 tomorrow.
>God does what he wants
why he'd ever think he'd need a teleporter is beyond me. alright, now onto the review:
In the beginning, with the acoustic guitar music during one of those default Windows Movie Maker screens - you really killed the pace by abruptly ending the song. If you let it continue and edit everything together, it would have come out better. Or maybe it'd just become one of those horrible unfitting songs, so I could always be wrong in this department.
Those 3 lines at the beginning felt very unnatural. A man having a conversation with Rick's brother, and his brother talking about how he's dead. Then he just says "see ya." That killed any tension you were going for in that scene. If you were TRYING to comedically crash the pace, a record scratch sound effect would be best suited there.
the scene after that was just plain random. it did nothing to contribute to the plot or to be funny. it just creates a very odd, random atmosphere.
alright so this felt like a poorly scripted filler episode
2/5
Yeah, this one wasn't that good in my opinion either. When I was looking for music for those transition moments, I coulding really find anything good, so I just went with whatever "soft" sounding thing I could find, the whole transition thing was supposed to be a majoras mask kinda tribute, not sure if it turned out like that or not...
I guess I was trying to set up a reoccurring gag, that no one seems to care about Rick's death, remember back to whichever episode it was where he died, and then they play chess afterwards seemingly forgetting. I guess a record scratch could have worked there, but there were to many problems with this one as it was, no sense in going and finding sounds for it. I might try to put more effort into the next ones before publishing.
The scene that followed, I don't really know what it was for, just to change the mood I guess, and again reference to Wills attitude, and feelings for Jenny, yeah it really didn't add, but again, not really anything I can do at this point.
Yeah, this episode really was filler, wasn't it? It didn't really add to it or anything, well , Ricks plot did...
The next few episodes will be a lot better, that I can promise you.
This first thing is only a minor complaint, but I'll elaborate anyway: the way "Lego Land ep. 5" was sloppily written does not necessarily give out a very professional vibe. I'd suggest at least writing it properly. I remember reading a "Pixar vs. Dreamworks" article that had very sharp-looking logos. If you were going for intentionally shoddy, then I would suggest adding an element that suggests intentional shoddiness instead of pure shoddiness.
don't worry if you did not understand that last part. it's only a minor complaint :)
that scene where he hit something and i think fell over was a nice attempt, though it could've been done better since it wasn't too obvious
why did God tell the guy to come over and discuss something when just a few seconds ago he told him to leave him the fuck alone
how convenient that there is somehow a teleporter in heaven
I have not seen episode 6 and since this ended somewhat abruptly, some of the points I just made are probably going to be false. i'll see when episode 6 is uploaded.
3/5
Okay, yeah, after looking at it a second time, it does look kinda sloppy, but I'm not using a mouse right now (I'm on a laptop) but it probably could look better. I guess I don't really hae an explanation for the sudden attitude change with God, idk maybe he's bi polar or something. Of course there would be a teleporter in heaven, duh, God does what he wants :).
Part six is being finished as I write this (had to fix some desync issues) so it should be up shortly. Thanks for the review.
I am not writing these reviews to be mean, only to help, so please read the whole thing before exiting and assuming I'm just another jerk who likes calling your animations bad.
Before talking about the actual content, do you expect anybody to read the text on the loading screen? The font you chose and how poorly it was written would suggest not.
The animation starts with a really poorly drawn stickman who doesn't even have an actual face. The facial expression was so badly done that I can't even tell what you were trying to pull off. He's looking to the right and yet his mouth suggests a smirk. It doesn't hurt to actually use circles or pupils for eyes, or to spend the extra two seconds to draw an actual nose.
Your background is empty. Like, literally, empty. It's a window, a desk and a really badly-drawn chair, but I'll elaborate on the chair part later. It's just plain bland. When you're watching a cartoon, look at the background. Even if there isn't that much stuff in there, there's a perspective and at least some sense of balance.
I understand you don't have a tablet and are forced to draw with your mouse. But why do you think the line tool was invented? Smooth and curve the lines to your liking and you should have some nice line art. The brush tool is a superb choice, but only if you have the right equipment.
Windows provide an outlook of something, not just blue oblivion. At least white linear scribbles on it would be better than nothing, as it suggests shading of some sort. For the colors you used for the wall and the floor, the minimal colors you used, were dull.
I am not criticizing you for your simplistic characters and design. Look at the Powerpuff Girls - it's very simply drawn, but tiny subtle details distinguish it from looking horrible and disoriented. Looks like your floor is curving and your window is rounded where it shouldn't be! Such poor architecture.
That table literally looks like a cardboard cutout. Like an elementary schooler who cut out construction paper and glued it to the set. There's a such thing as a perspective. I'm not asking you to pull out something of Pixar quality, but look up a 3D square and look up your plain square. Which one looks better and more realistic? The 3D one.
When the guy walks in - it's Night of the Undead Inconsistent Shading all over again! Your shading is all over the place. Where's the light source anyway? Anyway, let's move on to the art of the guy.
His head is a circle, and not even a circle, it looks like he was born with a birth defect or something. The eye was too big and too sharply drawn to look like he was genuinely angry. Look at an angry guy and look at his face. This isn't even a vague representation of what you were trying to pull off.
The body isn't even a body, just some square thing you draw as a body, but it's not. This can also be solved by looking at anybody's body and I can tell you nobody's body looks like that. You're probably reading that last part and saying, "I'm not trying to draw a self-portrait here, I'm trying to draw a cartoon!"
Cartoons have rules too, and if not obeyed, would result in a horribly disoriented drawing/animation. Looks like his leg is thinner than the other!
Shape tweens ARE NOT your friend. Inbetweening is. Manually drawing it and manually timing it is always going to look much better than a crappy shape tween. It's obvious when someone tries to cheap out of it by using a shape tween and shape tweens are almost never acceptable. The timing was good though, despite the actual drawings.
What I'm about to say here isn't related to the cartoon, but is also very useful. Don't take criticism to heart. I'm not saying not to mind it, but even if one of your reviewers are being mean, they may raise valid points. Even if someone leaves poorly articulated criticism such as "Art was bad, animation was bad. Didn't make sense," the fact something upset them should make you want to change something.
Hopefully this helped, since this took twenty minutes to write and I used up all of my space. Good luck.
Needs improvement.
When you're drawing something in Flash, try to use the brush tool - the line tool has always given out a shoddy, default look. For instance, the shot you included in the preloader. It'd look much better if it was drawn with the brush tool.
If you don't have a Wacom tablet and the line tool is your only way of effectively drawing, then here are some pointers on how to make it look good:
-varying line quality. fat and thin lines should be added when needed
-no gradients. a.k.a. the things that say "Linear" and "Radial" in Flash. gradients look ugly most of the time and are only good for certain special effects, for example, a realistic sun or a rainbow effect.
Those are some of the ugliest clouds I've ever seen. I say this because it appears you made little to no effort to actually making them look like clouds rather than ugly brush tool blobs with horrid gradients. There are different types of clouds, not just one and the colors you chose don't correspond to the other stuff in there. google "clouds" and draw more than one type of cloud.
your backgrounds are bland. i am talking about "Better Buy" in particular and the lack of detail you put on anything. put some backgrounds, some 3d perspective, anything to keep it from looking and feeling empty.
when the squirrel is climbing up the ladder, he isn't even facing the ladder. he is facing the camera. the actual climbing isn't credible at all. and when's he moving around all over the place during the song - that was one of the worst parts. if you wanted to suggest motion, then actually animate the squirrel in different keys and arcs. time him to the song, don't just move him around the screen.
in response to your response to s3ction8's review: gradients don't look nice. they don't add depth to the visual scene. Shading does. Shadowing does and even actual timed animation gives the impression that you're bringing a still image to life rather than mindlessly motion-tweening something.
I'm not writing these reviews to be mean, but only to help. 2.5/5 for potential.
Thank you so much!!! Great pointers. i needed to hear in were i could improve (Allot more, lol). I know you'r not trying to be mean. I respect every once opinion, and will use all of the feedback i get, to improve. Hey... i only started e few weeks ago in Flash. :-) And i'm eager to learn more to create better animations. So, thank you so much for your review. :-)
"ur the john Coltrane of newsground animation" - SpiffyFlinger
Age 24
Musician
Earth
Joined on 3/16/10
So long, Edd. 
FrogMan the Series Episode 2 
LEGO Land Ep. 10 
LEGO Land Ep. 9 
LEGO Land Ep. 8 
LEGO Land Ep. 7 
LEGO Land Ep. 6 
LEGO Land Ep. 5 
Cancer Gets It 
Chip Goes Shopping